He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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