Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just tell him i said nine months
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
