I could make wine with my vomit
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
should my penis look like a turkey
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
