My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
