She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
