And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
