I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
