I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
