well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
