i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
