dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
