remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
