Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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