Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
