Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
