can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
