Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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