i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
