I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you traded sex for a burrito?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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