I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
