In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
