I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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