I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
