I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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