So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
