This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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