no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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