I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
