We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
