I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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