I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
did i just pee glitter
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
