you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
