I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
