i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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