No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
