Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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