You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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