i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
