Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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