Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
this hospital has no fireball
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
