anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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