My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
