I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
