I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
