His pubic hair was longer than his dick
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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