She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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