i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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