i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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