You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Its about making memories worth repressing
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
