I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
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