Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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