I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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