All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
