I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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